"When you fixing me that steak Ms Winston", I say, leaning close to her.
"Hmmm", she frowns, looking me over, "Tall and Long and Ugly...Now what a way to waste a perfectly fine cow, Bob."
...
Ms Winston, now let me tell you about her son. She's a dame and a half. Stylish, with wavy long red hair, sorta pale complection sets off her eyes. She's a fine woman, let me tell you. I could have a scotch with her in the sunset. Now Ms Winston, see, she's the DA and I'm a Detective, Detective Bob James, and we work the Weird Tales Unit. We see all kinds of stuff there, trouble that you wouldn't even believe, let me tell you. I'll tell you one, and then maybe you'll get it. Or, maybe you won't.
...
It was in summer I think I went to call on Ms Winston for a case. The fans were whirring loudly, smoke filled the office, the radio was blaring more crap about Hitler. Typewriters clacked. "Do you think there will be war with Germany again?" asked a copy boy. I felt my side a bit, almost instinctively. "I think I had enough war with Germany in the first go around", I said. "Didn't get me nothing but shot."
...
I walk into the her office and take off my hat and hold it. I keep my overcoat on because I'll be heading out again.
"You know I think you'd look good in pearls, but I'm not sure if a necklace should be silver or gold." I say.
"Not that you could afford any of those." she replies.
"What do you got".
"Bob I need you to go bring in Miss Misto"
"The shapeshifting octopus lady from Rigel 6"
"Yes. That's her. The Manhattan Lab Unit told us what we already knew.. she ate some Mr. Bull's brain out. The sucker marks match hers. You just need to go find her. I'll put her away for 1,000 years."
"Me to find her?" I ask.
"Yes you, I see from your file that you know her."
"I do", I said, "but it was a little weird."
"I know Bob", DA Winston says, "that's why I'm sending you."
She pauses, and continues.
"Last we heard she was on 115th and Euclid and that's your neck of the woods. Now take the Raygun and get going. I got a squad car waiting for you downstairs".
...
I'm in a good mood. I tip the elevator guy on the way down and walk out to the car.
...
Now, the first stop is a comic book store. I know a lady on the block, a Ms Park, that I kinda got a little bit of history with, and she's got a little girl that's into comics, see. So I pick up a comic that's got some aliens in it that look like Ms Misto and I get some dark chocolate for Ms Park and I go calling on her.
Ms Park, let me tell you about her son. She's a dame and a half. Kinda short, but she's got these great blue eyes and that long hair and a great physique, if you know what I'm saying. She's a bit of trouble though, I'll tell you that, and honestly, she doesn't care for me all that particularly much. I get a little nervous when I knock on her door, but I play it smooth. Her daughter answers. I hold my finger up to my mouth as to say whisper.
"Hey Little Gael", I say to her. "I brought you some comics." I hand them to her.
Little Gael flips through the pages "I like the Bat-man", she says and hands them back.
"Everybody likes the Bat-man", I say. "But here's the question... have you or your mom seen anyone that looks like that?"
I point to the Octopus alien man on page 4. Little Gael looks at me, looks about quickly, and nods her head yes.
"It's a secret then?", I whisper.
Little Gael nods her head yes.
"Are you afraid? Is your mother afraid?"
And Little Gael nods her head yes again.
"I'm here to take that bad old thing to jail."
"How?", she whispers, and pulls me down closer to her. "She's as strong as three men and ate Mr. Bull's brain."
"I have a RayGun", I say.
"Can I see?" she asks.
I show her. She looks at me. "I'm going to get my mom."
She runs inside with the comic books and slams the door. I hear sounds of things in the kitchen, footsteps on the floor, the door unlocks, and there is Ms Park, smoking a cigarette and looking me over.
"Hello Bob", Ms Park said. "I'd invite you in but with you I'm not sure what's business and what's not."
"Look", I go to explain to her.
"Can it Detective. She's two floors up, Room 3. Take her to jail, then leave me and my daughter alone." She throws the comic books back at me, adding, "For Christ sakes Bob, you know she likes the Bat-man."
...
I go downstairs and find the nearest police phone and I call the station. I talk to the DA for a minute.
"So what do you need the cops for." asks the Ms Winston.
"Well, to carry Ms Misto after I shoot her. She's kinda on the heavy side."
"You aren't going to kill her Bob."
"Nah, I got the Raygun set on stun."
"I'll have a couple of men out there in fifteen."
...
I wait on the street and catch a smoke. All the kids know I was in the War. "What do you make of this Germany" thing, says the kid.. "you think Mr. Hitler is going to start something?"
"Well its a long swim for him", I say.
"But what if they do something...", the kid asks.
"Then we'll kick his ass because we're Americans" I say and I punch him lightly laughing. He socks me back and I tell him he's got a good arm, then tell him I got some work to do and give him the comic books.
"Thanks!" he says, then lets it out - "Ah, its not the Bat-man!". Then he adds, hey, "Can I get a nickel for a soda too?"
"Yeah sure...", and I give it to him, adding, "but don't tell your mother I cussed around you."
The cops show up and we head upstairs. I knock on the door, Room 3.
...
Ms Misto, let me tell you about her son. She's a dame and a half. When she's not doing this octopus thing she shapeshifts into this tall and leggy thing with deep winter eyes and a really sultry voice. There's a little bit of history there, I have to admit.
Ms Misto opens the door with one her tentacles. "Stand back boys", I say to the men in blue, but they didn't need me to say that.
"Hello Bob", she says. "Don't suppose you are hear to for another round."
"I suppose I'm not", I say. "How are you?"
"Not as hungry as I used to be." She says, laughing, picks up a couch with a couple of her tentacles, and lights a smoke with another.
"We know what you did to Mr. Bull".
"Took you long enough to figure it out."
"We get there eventually. I'm here to bring you in."
"How", she says, waving the couch around, "are you going to do that."
"I have a badge and a raygun. I'll have you respect the badge or you'll get the raygun."
"You know I don't respect that much now Bob", she says.
"I thought you'd want it that way", I say, and I shoot her.
She falls to the floor and I put the cuffs on her, all of her tentacles. The cops haul her downstairs and put her in the back seat of the car while I have a smoke.
...
Ms Misto awakes in the back of the squad car while I'm driving to the station. "Cute Bob", she says, "You put me in cuffs."
"I believe you were going to throw a couch at me Ms Misto."
"You were going to arrest me."
"You ate Mr. Bull's brain."
"I was hungry, aren't I allowed to eat?"
"Not on this planet, sister."
...
She shapeshifts, into that brunette thing.
"I don't think you thought of me as a sister when I was like this."
"No I don't suppose I did."
"Why don't you climb on back here.", leaning forward, whispering almost in my ear.
"I'm a righteous man now.", I say.
Like I said, we got a bit of history.
...
Ms Misto pulls on the cuffs a bit, fidgets. "Cute cuffs you have me in there Bob."
"They are super strong and shapeshift with you. You can't get out."
"Quite a trick." she says. "Are you proud of yourself?"
"You know I rather think I am." I say.
"What's going to happen to me?"
"Oh I think you are going to go away for a long time."
"I live ten of your lifetimes Bob."
"Well", I said, "that just means after I'm dead you'll have nine lifetimes to worship me."
"But I'll be out in one. Maybe I'll send you off with a smile on your deathbed.", she says.
"Don't think so", I say. "We changed our laws. The DA is fixing to put you away for a 1000."
"Ouch Bob", she says. "Anything you can do to help."
"I'll talk to her and tell her you were almost a good girl coming in, if you put in a good word about me. She might knock you down to 995 if you plea."
...
I get to the station and I zap her again to make things easy for the boys. They toss Ms Misto into her special cell.
All this talking and zapping has worn me out but I figured I would pop in and stop by the DA's desk again. That's Ms Winston. Now let me tell you about Ms Winston, son. She's a dame and a half.
"So Ms Winston", I say, "When do you think you're going to have me over for dinner?"
"Bob", she says, "I couldn't fix a plate ugly enough to suit you. Now let's get onto the next case."